The Kind List: Giving Up On Winter

Time to stop forcing myself to love something I hate

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It’s February - there’s finally a glimmer of hope. Finally, we’re at the point when I leave the house to go to the gym at 5.15pm, the sky isn’t completely black anymore. A tiny, almost imperceptible hint of light peers through, bringing with it a promise of brighter days to come. It may be a bit overly optimistic of me to see February as the start of spring, but hey, I’m a natural optimist so whatcha gonna do. I’m also chronically allergic to winter (or, well, any winter that comes after 31st December), so seeing it slowly roll to an end is always a thrill.

A while ago, I realised that every year, around January and February, I return to a state that’s an unnerving mix of sad and restless. During those two months, I feel like absolutely everything about my life is wrong. Year after year, I’ve caught myself feeling such profound unhappiness during those two months that it’s scared me, and the lack of reason for it was even more terrifying. Come March, any trace of these feelings are completely erased and I am back to loving my life and not being able to believe how lucky I am.

Me in March

I spoke about this to someone who is very close to me. Their take was, “well, maybe you just need to realise that this is temporary and those months will quickly pass.”

As grateful I was for that advice, I don’t really agree with it.

I have slowly come to the conclusion that I will not just accept having to spend 20% of the year (by my very unscientific and very math-averse brain’s calculations) in a demoralising and really unnerving mental state. There is only so much romanticising January that I can do before the candles and fairy lights go out and that all-encompassing dread sets in again. We are in charge of our lives, and no one says your life has to be one specific way. Last year, I spent most of January in Mexico, and this year, I spent part of it in Egypt. It helped massively. My well-being shot up by a million percent. Trust me, you definitely CAN run away from your problems. And yes, a sandy beach, turquoise waves and wearing a bikini in January can fix you. They fixed me. At least for a while. After returning from a sunny trip, I feel so much better about winter. Now that I’ve had my injection of sunshine, I can appreciate candles and cups of tea again. And being the winter-phobic that I am, that’s no small feat, I tell you.

And until we’re back to long, balmy evenings, here’s how I brighten my days: