Twenty Things I Absolutely Cannot Stand
They're tiny things. They do not matter. They still drive me crazy.
Kind of Wild is a weekly newsletter on trying to live ethically while still enjoying life. I am a 40-something published author, podcaster, public speaker, charity PR specialist and writer. I speak four languages and live in Brighton, UK. I’ve been vegan for over a decade. I want to save the world - but I also want to experience it.
A while ago I published a list of little everyday things that make me happy. It was a joyful thing to write - but life isn’t all joy, sunsets and half-price vegan pancakes, is it? So I thought that for a balanced view, why not introduce the twenty things that I really rather Strongly Dislike.
When the internet doesn't work. In the year of our Lord 2025 I really need for there to be fully functioning 5G everywhere, including the underground. No questions. And I don’t want to hear that “there’s a storm” BS. It’s the UK. There is always a storm.
January and February. Those two months need not exist. Let’s go straight into spring after New Year’s Eve.
People calling animals "it" instead of he or she. Makes my skin crawl. An animal is not a chair. THEY are a living individual.
Bad pizza. Thin crust? I don't even want to see it. Pineapple? I’m deleting you from my contacts. I’m only Italian by marriage, and yet I am offended you have the courage to call it pizza.
Me whenever the wi-fi is down When a food label says that something is sugar-free and my cavity-prone teeth are happy...until I read the small print and sure enough, there it is: maltodextrin, sucralose, xylitol, erythritol, maple syrup, agave syrup, date syrup...all also known as SUGAR. And don't get me started on coconut sugar (it's sugar, people!)
To the previous point, people who argue that "fruit has sugar". Nope. Not the same at all, Debra. Shut up and pass the watermelon.
Cafès that have a one-hour only laptop policy. Okay. Alright. I thought I’d get another extra large coconut matcha latte, but sure, I’ll just do that at the cafè next door which doesn’t have these ridiculous policies.
People who harass you about having "one more drink" on a night out. I only want one! The low-alcohol lifestyle sure is hard for people to wrap their heads around. Either you're teetotal or you're a hard boozer. If you're neither, you're practically an alien. How come none of you want five croissants? That’s one night out I’d be up for.
Friends who complain to me about my husband constantly being late to outings, but saying nothing to him. He is literally right there. I'm not his mother.
Literary agents and publishers who heap praise on your manuscript, only to end with "...but it's not for us."
Weak coffee. Keep your brownish water, please. It’s 7.30am, I need the industrial strength of a Neapolitan triple espresso.
Real coffee please, thank you very much Neighbours complaining about noise and forcing cool pubs, festivals and other fun stuff to shut down or set limits. If you're sound-sensitive, maybe don't live next to a pub or club? Maybe don’t live in Brighton at all? We’re a fun, lively town, so apparently not your vibe. Move to Peacehaven.
The ridiculous cost of therapy. Mental health services should be available to everyone, without a six-month waitlist or filling out checkbox forms (“how often in the last week have you felt anxious, from 1 to 5?” I’m feeling anxious right now, Susan, filling out this useless form).
Fear-mongering in the news. NUCLEAR WAR will kill us all tomorrow! There are microplastics in your lungs! A new pandemic is probably already happening! All planes that took off today crashed into the sea! Is the world generally in an alarming state? Sure. Is being chronically afraid helpful? Nope. Plus, as a former journalist, I know all about sensationalising the truth, so I take this all with an enormous mountain of salt. Pro tip that will save your mental health: alongside all the gloom and doom, get your daily dose of The Happy Newspaper and Positive News.
People who let their children throw rocks at seagulls on the beach and say nothing. Next time I see it, I'll hurl a rock back at the parents.
The notion that some behaviours are masculine and some are feminine. When I'm feeling fierce and determined, I am not "in my masculine energy". I am simply being me, a woman.
Beauty journalists and brands peddling plastic surgery and Botox as "self-care".
The idea that a man should automatically pay on a date with a woman. If I were a straight man, I’d run miles from any woman who thinks like this. And FYI, “whoever asked the other person out pays” is only valid if the woman also asks the man out occasionally.
When you book a table at a restaurant and they inform you that you have to leave at a certain hour. I not-so-fondly recall one birthday party when we were kicked out while I still had half a slice of cake on my plate. I did not move from my seat until the last salted caramel-flavoured crumb was firmly in my mouth. Restaurants: stop this!
Supermarkets wrapping absolutely everything in single-use plastic. Hi, here are some bananas. In a plastic bag. Wouldn’t it be amazing if bananas had, I don’t know, some kind of natural casing that omitted the need for plastic? Why are the cucumbers plastic-wrapped? Do supermarket packaging executives know paper exists? How long before the receipt comes in a little plastic bag too? And no, it shouldn’t be on me to “just go to a farmer’s market”. If small independent shops can use paper bags, so can the big chains. I don’t want to hear excuses.
At the end of the day, being frustrated with small things is very much part of life. It’s implicit in the human condition. If you’re not annoyed at anything, you’re probably not overjoyed by anything, either. And that’s not the kind of life I want. So, tell me in the comments: what are some everyday things YOU really cannot stand? Unless it’s too-strong coffee, in which case: just be quiet, please.
What really pisses me off is that my socks never match. God knows where those suckers end up!!
Reading this felt cathartic!